today

today was a terrible day.

woke up with a headache, forced myself to school and sat through all my lectures.

at lunch, found out that I failed monday's paper..i failed microb again. again again again. it didn't seem that bad at first; it seemed like 'oh, i failed'. so what's new. but when pple started telling me to work harder, i felt horrible. it was like this yucky sinking feeling in me - helpless and desperate. desperate to pass the next microb paper..wondering how much i'd ever have to mug just to pass..wondering what went wrong..wondering how to pass..wondering why everybody else scored so well. Knowing that one of my friends was so upset because she scored below the average made me feel worse. being desensitised to lousy grades isn't supposed to happen.

after that, so many things happened and my day only ended at ten. i held back everything for so long i feel so sick now. i'm not even excited about the birthday presents i received from everyone because i'm jus not excited about my birthday. n jus found out abt sth horrible i did and i feel so guilty. how am i supposed to spend tmr afternoon with him in this state.

all that i ever thought mattered doesn't seem to matter anymore.
I pray for a new start tmr.