he's been at sgh the past week for an attachment.
i don't know what's wrong with me..i still can't do it. i thought that when he left a year ago, i'd be alright by the time he came back for summer. met up with him and a few others to see ms teh's baby today, and i jus came home feeling upset. it's been an incredibly long time and i've not talked abt this for awhile.

i really do miss him, but each time i see him it feels like the distance has grown, emotionally and physically. i'm almost ashamed to say that there's always been a little wishful hoping in my heart that we would somehow be together in the end. The hope which has never died down, the hope which makes me wonder how i could be so unfair to nich. how i am such a selfish prick and such a horrible and throughly terrible person.

i feel so miserable. please let me get over it.