crying bucketfuls will give you headache, so please don't try.

Today was out of this world. I broke up with n last night and awoke to find out that my friend has passed away. I don't know if it was the fucking stress of med sch/rships/family/money/xxx but I do remember the same sick 'are you kidding' kind of feeling when it happened to my ogl in jc. It was also today that he told me that he forgives me for everything, forgives me for liking another, and tells me to forget everything and leave behind my guilt. He will even go back to church, not just for me but as a start to sth he shld have done long ago. All he wants is for me to promise that i'll try to stop liking the other him.

I don't deserve any of this kindness. He even said that I'm god's gift to him. I think I'm a demon in disguise.

And bo, I will miss you. Much.