Why

I don't understand why people make things so difficult for themselves and others around them.

We're a very comfortable family. We have a house, a car and no difficulty buying anything we want. We are blessed with relatively good health, good future prospects and there have not been major life-changing events.

Maybe there have been too many blessings that we take for granted, that we start stirring shit for ourselves.

My family/ parents quarrel on an almost daily basis. I simply cannot and never will understand why it is so difficult to enjoy the time that they have together. They work together, live together, eat together, sleep together. Maybe they need their space. Maybe that's why.

Still, it is immensely heartbreaking to know that such an unpleasant person exists in my family, and continues to make life so difficult for me.

I hope, pray and wish that I will not be another sad story, a reflection of what they are now.

Because this place is getting a little too gloomy

Faith sees the invisible,

Feels the intangible and

Achieves the impossible

Nobody should ever assume that the other is obliged to endure unreasonable or illogical behaviour out of gratitude for kindness previously shown.

1 week to the dreaded exams

Did the laundry today.

But apparently I can still be faulted for that. For a small thing like using the short poles to hang the clothes outside. (Even though all the long poles have been used) !@#$!%@$@#

I'm said to be lazy because of that. I obviously raise my voice in self-defence.

Even if the long poles were not all already used, so what? There's no big deal. Really, what is the issue? I simply do not understand.

And she dares to say that I wouldn't use that tone if I were talking to my mother-in-law.

Mother-in-law or not, if you are going to be so ridiculous and you dare to say this sort of rubbish to me, I will tell you to go bloody do the laundry yourself.

She ends off by telling me to ask him when he is going to marry me.

How can anyone live with a person like that?!

Sick again, don't know what's wrong with my stupid immune system.

Very pissed off, have taken 2 days of MC already. That lingering cough from the previous illness in July was just started to get better, and now there's an irritating sorethroat and fever.

Don't really care if I don't have to worry about going back to work, and I have all the time in the world to rest. Just annoyed that I have to work tomorrow from Fri-Sunday for the stupid night shift nonsense. I'm never going to get well at this rate.

Very pissed off with work. I have to log my stupid duty hours which are mostly fake anyway, log my stupid cases, do my mcqs for stupid exam, and now, I even have to submit them to someone who will be making sure that i'm doing at least xx number of questions per week. Ridiculous.

To be fair, things are actually much better now. The calls are down to 3 max per month, and they are no longer full calls. I should be appreciating the extra time I have.

Sometimes, I don't know how to spend my time. With my family? They will just drive me mad. My mum just tried to ask me to eat yoghurt that is 1 day past its expiry date. I don't mind if i'm not already sick and I don't have to work for the next 3 days in a row. She has to say some sarcastic shit like im kiasee etcetc. and she/my dad will eat it. I will be so pissed off if I eat it and bloody get diarrhoea. I will be in absolute shit if I can't find anybody to do my night shift x 3 nights, which I will likely not be able to do so since it is a wonderful lovely weekend that nobody will really want to spend in the hospital, working.

Friends are good, but what I really yearn for is a warm family and home to return to everyday

Just Because

I feel like writing today.

Lately, it is this tune that has me captivated.

Strike up the band let it play
Love songs to haunt me and I will stay
But when it comes to a waltz
Both words and music will ring false

For you waltzed in and spun my world
Around in dizzy dance I swirled
But suddenly you waltzed away from me

Those violins, they must go
So no careless hand with a bow
They play on the strings of my heart
And make me remember how lovers part

How you waltzed in and spun my world
Around in dizzy dance I swirled
But suddenly you waltzed away from me

Strike up the band let it play
Whatever it chooses and I will say
Play me a waltz if you will
I'll sit here and listen,

Waiting until

My love returns to take my world
And spin it round in dizzy swirl
Where girl loves boy and boy loves girl
And feet don't touch the ground

I thought of posting because I need some place to vent my frustrations.

I don't need to tell anybody about it, and I don't need any advice. If I did, I would have called somebody.

I just need to take it out on this keyboard, better than taking it out on the pot that may crack on the stove, or the door whose glass panels may shatter.

My reaction from tomorrow should no longer be of anger or irritation. It shall instead be that of resignation. If this is the way things are meant to be, perhaps that will be more appropriate.

I have learnt that without expectation, there is no anger or sense of unfairness. Instead, I must accept things as they are, and continue as best as I can.

The beauty of a woman

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman Is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman
With passing years — only grows

the answer

I believe you are the answer to
every tear I've cried
I believe that you are with me
My rising and my light
Give me strength when I am weary
Give me hope when I can't see
Through the crosses I must carry
Lord, bind my heart to thee
That when all my days are over
and all my chores are done
I may see your risen Glory
Forever where you are.