what is fate?
As defined by dictionary.com, it is that which is inevitably predetermined.

while waiting for our turn to take the roller-coaster, there was a wee bit of paranoia in me - that it would somehow derail while we were on it, and that would be the end of us. All because a whiney and very persistent me insisted on taking the ride. Would i survive the rollercoaster, but still die while crossing the road..simply because i was fated to die?

chance.
the absence of any cause of events that can be predicted, understood, or controlled: often personified or treated as a positive agency.


what is chance? how can an occurance be due to chance? if sth happened unintentionally, in other words due to chance, then what was it that caused the chance to Be so, rather than what was originally predicted?

serendipity. (btw is it pronounced -seren- as in serenade or surrender)
the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.

again, what causes such a phenomenon? chance? fate?

who/what determines such fates/chances/serendipitous occurances..
would one, then, who doesn't believe in an omnipresent being make any sense by saying 'leave it in the hands of Fate'..

reading my patho tb, i never fail to be amazed by how wonderfully made we are. i love what i study and i'm glad i have the opportunity to do so. it's especially interesting to look at pictures of the various clinical conditions, though i jus stopped doing so when i came across a picture of caseous necrosis. it's really gross.

i'm afraid of the challenges my future job holds. it's tough enough knowing that my patient may have more knowledge about a disease/drug than i do, that lawsuits against docs are increasingly more common. Expectations of us are rising as well - we're no longer humans, but some know-it-all machine that can communicate in english, mandarin, teochew, hokkien, canto, malay, tamil etcetc. hey, if u're that bothered by this whole communication thing, isn't it more reasonable for YOU to learn ONE language (called english) instead of us having to know how to speak every damn language you can. i'm sorry for being so harsh. it's jus that sometimes, i feel that it's unfair to place so much weight on our shoulders. as it is, we already have insane working hours, and the pay compared to that is nothing. (though there are exceptions for instance the specialists).

Pple say, 'too bad, you're a doctor (to be)'. I say, wake up, and stop thinking that doctors are big-hearted, compassionate, self-sacrificial machines. we're humans too. we have a life, our family, our friends. I will definitely try my best to be as good a doctor as i can be. all i'm saying is pls stop giving us all that shit..all the expectations and lack of trust.

Look at this face I know the years are showing
Look at this life I still don't know where it's going
I don't much but I know I love you
That may be all I need to know

Look at these eyes they never seen what matters
Look at these dreams so beaten and so battered
I don't much but I know I love you
That may be all I need to know

So many questions still left unanswered
So much I've never broken through
And when I feel you near me sometimes I see so clearly
That only truth I'll never know is me and you

Look at this man so blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul still searching for salvation
I don't much but I know I love you
That may be all I need to know

I don't much but I know I love you
That may be all I need to know
I don't much but I know I love you
That may be all there is to know

my blog has always been unknown..nobody knows who writes here and the thought of someone i know reading all this shit i write is somewhat...not a very good idea. maybe it's cos i don't know what they'll think of me after reading this, and i guess it's also cos my innermost thoughts are here. i've been trying so hard to protect this anonimity i enjoy..this anonimity that allows me to blog freely and without any reservations. i refrain from names, events and the like so that this will never turn up in a silly google search.

seems strange tt i'd feel apprehensive abt letting e flowers know abt my blog because they're my bunch of closest friends..we don't meet up as often as i'd like to but if there's anything at all, they're the ones i will turn to. is it queer that i haven't managed to foster any friendships which came anything close to the one i have with these girls these past 4 yrs since we left sch? *hmm* maybe it's jus me.

one of the reasons why sch hasn't been all that great is due to the fact that i don't really have a close girlfriend in school..sure i have a bunch of pple to hang out with but there's nobody to share my secrets, thoughts etcetc. ok there is but she's not like my best friend in sch. now i understand why c said some yrs ago that everyone has someone except her and even burst into tears. i totally know what u were gg thru my dear, and i do apologise for it.

my uni scored pretty well in some stupid global ranking. (or so they think). seriously, stop rejoicing and straighten up the admin system. notes are uploaded one day in advance, miscommunications are aplenty, and they can't even give us our exam time/venue till 2 days before. what's that damn nice building called the uni hall for if u can't even have an efficient admin? if we're paying admin fees to receive screwed up admin work, sth is really wrong.

may i never take you and you for granted.

hard candy

i was expecting a strange, warped, confusing show..if the impression my friend gave me was anything to go by.

i thought it was like retribution, albeit in a very drastic and almost insane sense. and yet, it seemed to make perfect sense at the same time. granted, life in prison changes people. but does it change people for the better or worse; does it make people see why their deeds were wrong, or is it simply like a cage in the zoo to keep away the hungry lion.

cutting off his ***** was perhaps the most direct preventive measure, and some might even think that those capable of such acts are fully deserving of their punishment. Chop off the hands of those who steal, remove the brains of those who choose to engage in mass murder, and the ***** of those cheat on their partners/prey on the innocent. wouldn't the world be better off this way? we wouldn't even have to waste precious bucks feeding/guarding prisoners.

Such 'straightforward' solutions have never occurred to me.
i do believe it has sth to do with my upbringing.

speaking of which, i seem to have dipped to a spiritual low (once again).
it takes much effort and discipline - something that never did happen during the period i attended liss. it seems that the nearer i reach shore, the harder i try, the more determined i am, the more desire i have to do so; and the converse is true. it seems to be so much easier to let the currents take me along, instead of fighting back.

now i have to start again, by keeping my eyes on the shore.