I feel like student life is plateauing.

Every once in awhile, I forget why I'm doing what I'm doing. The inertia is great, and the motivation, fleeting at best. I really want to do this right, but more often these days, I've been questioning my ability and personality to do so. Still on other days, with my heck-care attitude, I'm just tired of the wards and reading.

Sorry, I know my posts have been quite depressing of late.

today wasn't too bad afterall :)
the doctor said I passed the test (how well I did is another issue) but yay anyway! went to take the reverse..the view and the speeds were great! Just disappointed that it was all over in 4min. It was so super impromptu, it might just have been a shopping trip. heh. that was followed by the vegas movie..predictable but it did have its funny moments.

I've not felt so relaxed in a very long while. Esp the night before the test, I was almost frantic. Felt rather unprepared..still abit sick.. clinical tests just scare me. It's back to studying for the mcq test this Fri.

Feel that I've got too many things on my hands now. Test on Friday, retreat over the weekend, cho's bday dinner on Sunday. SIGH sorry lu I know i'm supp to meet up and sab. Can we meet too on mon tues or wed? Or maybe I'll meet her myself. Flying off on Thurs, have yet to confirm the extension to explore bangkok. Plus have to go for piano make-up classes since i was sick last week and not gg this week to prep for the test. Oh ya! and buy cho's bday present.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just sliding down the slippery slope or going into a downward spiral. I was almost going to compare it to quicksand, until I realised that quicksand is it but in this case it isn't, 'cos it's me. I'm my quicksand, ouch.

ortho clinical test tmr...doom...

it's not nice feeling left behind :(

Stuff happened in the family today and I'm as usual too tired to talk about it.
I am really envious, almost jealous of how some people have such happy families. I'm not talking about a perfect family..I just want what forms the basis of relationships. Communication, respect, tolerance. I do not understand how I can love someone who does not respect me, listen to what I have to say, and is simply so quarrelsome and unpleasant. I'm really reaching the end of my threshold which in all fairness is beyond what I ever thought possible. Frustration aside, I feel so shit sad that I am unable to love and am not loved. I wish there were a day when that wouldn't matter to me any longer. I always dream of starting my own family and think of how it will be cosy and loving and how it wouldn't be like this, but sometimes I'm so afraid that things will turn out the same.

Osces were alright..Got the killer circuit with the profs who dislike us but think I'll pass it. Gotta focus now for the upcoming long/short cases and mcqs. 3 weeks to the hols! Can't wait. Caught ironman and the other boleyne girl over the past 3 days.. liked the latter better. Transformers was way better than ironman I think.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Thank u for a timely reminder for me to act sensibly, Friend from Sunday.

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

Had a good weekend :) hung out with lu at woodlands and we caught eternal sunshine of the spotless mind on her laptop. thanks for lugging it out dear! It was nice. Looking forward to seeing u again when sab's back.. And met up with jy who's back from the u.s too.

Getting a little nervous about the osces this sat. Not very smooth and prepared wrt physical examination and knowing that the tutors kinda dislike us doesn't help.

Was at ghim moh for lunch today. It really brings back the memories of jc days gone by. Today, 3 years later, I can't believe that I am actually, maybe, finally over you. The scar remains, but it no longer hurts.