It's a lazy sunday :)
This weekend was supposed to be dedicated to studying, seeing how i kept it absolutely free. But evil thoughts invaded my mind and I'm absolutely hooked on this serial called Love Bond. It's currently showing on channel U and i'm probably slower than that! But it's really great not having to sit thru commercials and waste an entire hour per episode. hurhur this reminds me of the time i was so crazy abt that silly frog prince show. *blush*

Anyway, this weekend was supposed to be study-weekend becos e end of posting test is coming up soon! mcqs in 2 weeks, long/short cases in 3 weeks!

I'm quite psyched up about last minute preparations and making the final dash towards the end. I've been feeling quite tired walking around the wards. There's this indescribable feeling of doom and fatigue that washes over me as I walk around the wards, looking at rows of bed filled with patients who look so ill. Somehow, the patients in the surgical wards didn't look as bad. For an instant, it's as though I were consumed by their sadness and hardships. And in the next, I'm back to my un-feeling self who goes around clerking and looking at patients for the signs they might have.

Everyday, we learn a new lesson. Not merely in the areas of clinical practice, but also how to care for our patients. Last week, it was to treat every patient as we would our father, mother, brother or sister. That's a deceptively simple lesson in life. I'm only into my 3rd/4th month of official postings..and I've already done so many things contrary to such good advice. Haiz, I'm sorry for all the times I tried to take blood or set plugs on u, or got irritated becos u were so incomprehensible.

It's been a week of weird lecturers - from the analysis of shit to the constant bragging of past achievements, boring lectures, and good tutorials. Not forgetting the little birthday parties in between, and not falling sick!, I think i've learnt alot indeed.

P.S forgot to msg u carol, hope ur exam on saturday went well :)

thank you Lord, for answering my prayer.
It's been a really tiring day.
Time to go sleep.

As mentioned previously, my family is not quite the model one.
This morning, cho had a terrible argument with them..it was like The Argument of the century. After they dropped us off at home, cho said she was moving out. I tried to talk her out of it, but I could tell that she was really going mad. I understand what she was feeling, because i've felt like that a million times. Obviously, I couldn't do anything but sit on the fence, very much like the previous i-have-a-gf issue. It's better not to isolate her rite? She packed up her essentials, and left.

Now, mum and dad are picking me up in ten min. And I'm supposed to tell them that she's left. At first, it didn't really matter because I'll see her around in sch anyway. But I wonder what they will say.

Dear lord, I pray that dad doesn't get a heart attack, especially not when I've yet to master the art of CPR. And please, don't let mum fall into a depression attack. Because that ain't funny at all. And please let cho come home.

that dinner at da paulo was quite a surprise. it was supposed to be some place near ms teh's house..and as we were checking out the map he suggested rochester park. it was nice, while it lasted. till he decided to tell me he disliked rj cos he didn't make many friends there. it was like a slap to my face; it was good as telling me he disliked us. And i resent that. I resent the fact that at that moment you made me feel like i was the smallest bug on the face of the earth; I was upset that you, after so many years, were still able to influence my emotions so easily. I had never felt so insecure in a very long time.

It was just hurtful to know that you feel so differently about us, as though you felt that we were a mistake. This especially since there is still that part of me who kept everything we ever shared, displays the blue roses on my desk, and secretly wishes for sth that could never be.

he's been at sgh the past week for an attachment.
i don't know what's wrong with me..i still can't do it. i thought that when he left a year ago, i'd be alright by the time he came back for summer. met up with him and a few others to see ms teh's baby today, and i jus came home feeling upset. it's been an incredibly long time and i've not talked abt this for awhile.

i really do miss him, but each time i see him it feels like the distance has grown, emotionally and physically. i'm almost ashamed to say that there's always been a little wishful hoping in my heart that we would somehow be together in the end. The hope which has never died down, the hope which makes me wonder how i could be so unfair to nich. how i am such a selfish prick and such a horrible and throughly terrible person.

i feel so miserable. please let me get over it.