I suddenly felt like I wanted more time to myself..
If only I could take time off, have some time to myself.

If I could..I would..

1. Take up a degree in Music
2. Learn a dance - ballroom, salsa, anything but hiphop

Right now, I can't think of anything other burning desires. Oops.
Everything from here looks like school and work to me.
There isn't any extended holiday save for a month to indulge in anything much.

But I know now that I'm way down on your line
But the waiting feeling's fine
Cause summer is here - and I'm still waiting there
Winter is here - and I'm still waiting there
Tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waitin'

While I'm waitin' for my turn

Something happened way back in jc that upset me very much; it mattered to me alot then and it still does now, though not in the same manner. It was such an intense feeling of hurt that it made me cry. Since then, I've not been able to put in a hundred percent in my relationships with them. I don't remember this all the time, just occasionally. Like when i'm making an effort to do sth special for them. That event just replays itself in my mind, and it makes me not want to be nice. Why should I bother?

I never thought it would still bug me 2 years later..I suppose some things, and some people, never really change. But I will change; I can try to erase that unpleasant happening if I so choose to, I can pretend that some things never happened at all, I can make believe that they never chose to do that to me. And hope that the hurt will go away.

'I have learnt from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances'

Martha Washington

up to now, realised that the group of pple who quite matter alot to me didn't really bother to meet up for my bday. oh wells, grow up already!

my great plan to study hard everyday is looking all set to flop spectacularly.

i've always had these great plans (as lorac would know), haha.
but this time, it's cos i'm helping out in the catholic awareness week.
it's too late to pull out now, having signed up for it last sem.
it seems that everytime i try to do sth for Him, things turn out harder than I imagined..
this time, a patho C.A was inserted suddenly and annoyingly right in the middle of c.a.w.
!@#$%^&!@#$%^

my cgl gave me a prayer frame for my bday (really apt cos he knew i failed)

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard
I felt the answer in my heart
Although he spoke no word
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
I knew you wouldn't mind
I asked him to send treasures
Of a far more lasting kind
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And friends to share your way
I asked happiness for you
In all things great and small
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all

and that's for all you lovelies too :)

my birthday wish!! to be a better, more sincere person.

along the years, i've made new friends and lost great ones.
quite suck at keeping my friendships..so i'm really glad that i have all of you..
love and miss u all lots.

The human heart has hidden treasures
In secret kept, in silence sealed
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures
Whose charms were broken if revealed

Charlotte Bronte

and a new start it was

today was, surprisingly, a very wonderful day.

what i did wasn't so bad afterall and the afternoon with n was really enjoyable.
thanks to my friends at sch..
and to the lovely two overseas who called!!!
i was so excited :)
dinner with my family was nice too..
it's been awhile since we last all ate together.
and guess who sent me an email and card??
i was excited about my presents in the end.

the future looks exciting with lots of mug.

i'm all set to overcome my series of Fs!!

to infinity and beyond!

today

today was a terrible day.

woke up with a headache, forced myself to school and sat through all my lectures.

at lunch, found out that I failed monday's paper..i failed microb again. again again again. it didn't seem that bad at first; it seemed like 'oh, i failed'. so what's new. but when pple started telling me to work harder, i felt horrible. it was like this yucky sinking feeling in me - helpless and desperate. desperate to pass the next microb paper..wondering how much i'd ever have to mug just to pass..wondering what went wrong..wondering how to pass..wondering why everybody else scored so well. Knowing that one of my friends was so upset because she scored below the average made me feel worse. being desensitised to lousy grades isn't supposed to happen.

after that, so many things happened and my day only ended at ten. i held back everything for so long i feel so sick now. i'm not even excited about the birthday presents i received from everyone because i'm jus not excited about my birthday. n jus found out abt sth horrible i did and i feel so guilty. how am i supposed to spend tmr afternoon with him in this state.

all that i ever thought mattered doesn't seem to matter anymore.
I pray for a new start tmr.

the holiday season is fast coming to an end! sobs.

guess who came over on christmas eve? it wasn't as awkward as i thought it'd have been..and yay guess who came over on ny's eve again?? and slept over too. hehe. had quite a big scare avoiding my kpo auntie who came over on new year's.

i shall make a resolution this year..

Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you

No prizes for guessing what. Sigh, it was such a bad sign, giving in to weakness on the first day of the year.

the holiday season is fast coming to an end! sobs.

guess who came over on christmas eve? it wasn't as awkward as i thought it'd have been..and yay guess who came over on ny's eve again?? and slept over too. hehe. had quite a big scare avoiding my kpo auntie who came over on new year's.

i shall make a resolution this year..

Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you

No prizes for guessing what. Sigh, it was such a bad sign, giving in to weakness on the first day of the year.