A Mother's Love

It's been getting worse, the quarrels btwn my sis and mum. On one hand, my mum has always been difficult to reason with; on the other hand, I feel that cho's personality has been getting more and more abrasive. I'm stuck in the middle. Each time I try to play the mediator, I get hit left right and centre. I'm tired of it and I wish my mum wasn't the way she is. There must be more to being a Mum than providing for me. What about the conversations, the strength, the warmth presence of a Mum? I need to be able to sit down and talk things out but I can't because my mum has the reasoning powers of an eighteen year-old. We always end up arguing about the most ridiculous things and it never fails to end with her scolding abt how the nieghbours can hear. I've even tried penning my thoughts down but she never replied. Omg I must sound really weird now. My family has never been a model family, maybe save for when we were young, and through the years, I realised that being able to understand me or listen to what I have to say isn't at the top of the priority list. Ever since mum's bout of depression, I've been constantly worried about the future. If a sudden change in jobs and a hysterectomy can precipitate such behaviour, who is to know what will happen if dad were no longer around one day? I dread thinking about these things. Right now, I jus wish to have a happy, warm and loving family.

Such a fantastically tall order.

It seems that the key word in this day and age is money.

Not enough babies? Throw in some money.
Not enough talent? Let's increase the pay.
Caught littering? Pay your fine.

On the not-so-recent pay hike..If we were run like a company and our leader were the ceo, our people would be the shareholders or employees. That is an analogy often used by the best brains receiving top pay. Logically, that should mean that in any time of crisis, we should pack and go..leave for greener pastures, seek a better venture. And yet, They also mention the 'quitters', and the 'stayers'; the need for loyalty, compassion and comradeship. How such contradicting ideas of what my country means came about, I really don't know. Each idea was put forth by two different leaders, each in his landmark speech. And, if we were really merely a company with an annual profit to show for, the top dollars should go to the one who deserves it the most - regardless of whether he is Sporean. Shouldn't it? While there is a sure need for reasonable pay, whoever said that all who enter the ruling party will definitely be earning top dollars in their fields? Surely it will make more sense to compensate them for their loss in pay after having crossed over to politics, rather than peg the pay of all ministers to the top-earners of spore. Such a scheme only cheapens and demeans the meaning of public service, and serves only the purposes of those who thought it up.

yesterday was one busy day..and it was different cause i got to go to the o.t! Kinda cool, I was so excited. And scrubbing in for o.t literally means just that; my arms were hurting from the horrible brush we had to use to scrub our hands and arms. And to my dismay, we wasted a whole 2 hours learning how to scrub, gown and glove..without even entering the o.t after that! the only consolation was that we saw a cute baby fresh from delivery (not so fresh..she was cleaned up alr). hee and All the guys' hearts were melting and they were jus gushing over her.

After classes, went shopping with chris! heh we almost bought the same skirt, only tt I decided not to splurge and stick with my 2 Really-Awesome-9dollar-buys from tangs. One was originally 89, and the other was 99! gasp! (and who was to know they'd come in handy after that!)

heh and the highlight of the day was of course jin's bday. We blindfolded her with my newly-acquired piece of clothing which conveniently came with a shawl. haha. Thanks for spending ur bday with us..And really hope you enjoyed yourself. Come back soon sab! We were all there this time except u! Sorry we couldn't speak much to u over the phone.

At the stroke of 11, it felt like I had fallen asleep and dreamt a beautiful dream.

Tired. Photos soon! I have inspected them and noticed my terrible-looking eyes!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a very special flower :)

lots of love,
me!

I'm home on a Friday! amazing. been sick the past 2 days and i was really reluctant to miss school. Clinics have been interesting.

So this is just to past time, on top of all the time i just wasted uploading some pics onto fb. (And lorac is wasting time fb-ing instead of working hard hurhur).

Sometimes, I'm so tired of living my current life..I wish it were a shell, sth I could tear away and a new one would grow back in its place. Wouldn't it be nice if we could erase everything and begin anew..A new path, new options, new people, new emotions. And, if ever do we desire another shell, we could do the same all over again.

Unfortunately or fortunately, life isn't at all like that. We bring with us our mistakes, our achievements, our baggage. With a finite amount of time, that leaves us with little room for uncertainty or hesitation. Though that might not all be a bad thing, and could even sharpen our senses and train our tenacity. We simply must contend with such a grim fact, and such a seemingly cruel world. And yet, our very desire could overcome the obstacle (self-constructed, no less) which we place in our paths, if only we would allow ourselves to break free of what society has imposed on our puny minds. My puny mind. sigh!

I was just wondering what life would have been had I chosen music over medicine, put my mind above my heart, and God above self.

Hmmmmm.

lorac: thank u for ur loyal readership to such a poorly-kept blog. hee can't wait to talk :) btw i have giraffe earrings! (blogger was down when i wanted to comment on ur blog)
sj: yes let's pls use the calender esp. now that u and sab will be around and all of us are sure to have many activities!

the bus

today was slack! :) I went at eleven and got back at 4! yay..and that includes the time sher and i went to spotlight to get some materials. hee.

the bus that takes me to sgh everyday is awesome. It's a 30min (only) journey, and I really love the sights along the way. Hmm..it goes by the association for the visually handicapped..always makes me greatful that i have my eyes to see..wonder how they know when to alight and how they managed to overcome the difficulties of not having a sense of sight. (sigh). ok, back to happier things. then, the bus goes by ijtp! good old days of 5stones, hopscotch and fireman's pole. next up is little india..eyebrow threading for 5bucks only.plus many other interesting buys if i'd bother to look. then..it's the national lib and raffles hotel. No doubt, the new lib looks jus like another new, mod place to hang out..guess the spirit and history of the old one was hard to capture. I like the architecture of raffles hotel..one of the quaint things from our history.

next up is bugis..shop shop shop. the bus then goes to chinatown..rows of shophouses and some loud garish ugly chinatown point in bright yellow. today, i saw some chinese pavillion thingies in the middle of an overhead bridge..obviously trying too hard to re-create the chinese feel about the place. oh and there's that block of green and orange flats which looks like it came right out of hk. after this, there's a view of the skyline of the business district. heh, I'd like to work there someday. such a happening place, i think. Maybe after I'm tired of being a doc, I can go be a secretary at one of the posh offices. and hang out at the rows of bars and food places just next to it after work.

And the bus makes a right turn, where I promptly press the bell and hop off the bus which takes me on such an interesting journey.

it's labour day tmr and I've never been more excited about it!! yay to labour day!! more clerking of patients today..I had lectures from 9 to 5 and tutorial from 530 to 630 and clerked from 630 to almost 8. i survived!!! but sorry si, for cancelling dinner at such late notice.

It's weird, how I wasn't the least bit tired until I got onto the bus and promptly dozed off. I used to get very restless in lectures (especially on bilirubin and jaundice and all that nonsense that we had today) but I was happily copying the slides and even noting down his comments. didn't even get a headache! almost everything was interesting. was quite happy :)

oh, and a senior kindly brought us around the wards that day. I didn't really like the whole session though. It felt like he and some others were doing an examination on someone who was already visibly in pain, just to elicit some response they were looking for. At least, tt's what it seemed to s and i. We were hardly looking at the 'exciting stuff'; it seemed rather heartless and senseless. and we were quite dismayed. As usual, i like to bitch about pple and not tell them to their faces. sth i shld improve on by the time i'm 30 perhaps.

It's a busy week ahead, I've sth everyday after clinicals till saturday.

sab, sj, wq..all the best :)