Feel abit better now, a little more ready to face you again and put up my brave front. Although I know that all my courage will just melt away when I see you tmr.

*cross fingers*

today, I bought a watch. But this time, it isn't for myself. Time to share, care and be a care bear. (i scratched his).

today, I felt sad again. But I think I'm getting used to it.

today, I deleted a few msgs of his. Hey, I'm trying.

today, I saw carol's msg and felt the same warmth i felt waking up to it.

today, I practised the piano after my screwed up lesson last week.

today, I cringed at the nonsense I was churning out at the piano.

today, I'm writing like a 5 year-old.

today, I also felt lousy not being able to do the scopes in clinics. But tmr, I shall try harder :)

Things feel different, and it makes me sad. I act like i don't bother, but it really hurts. It really really really does.

I can't stop Loving you

The all too familiar feeling of not being in control, of leaving my happiness in your hands, of spending day after day thinking.

So many times this week, I've been reminded to stayed focused and centred. That's why I started my prayer journal. I want to do so much more.

I can't stop loving you
I've made up my mind
To live in memory of the lonesome times
I can't stop wanting you
It's useless to say
So I'll just live my life in dreams of yesterday

Those happy hours that we once knew
Tho' long ago, they still make me blue
They say that time heals a broken heart
But time has stood still since we've been apart

I'm so tired now I just want to sleep.

It's been a long day..I was looking forward to talking to you online since we didn't get to last night. All I'm getting now is some absolute shit about how you're not happy because I went out with my jc pple. Why you're not happy remains a mystery since you insist that it's mere irrationality.

You think it's a big problem that I'm doing things against your wishes, and if you don't like me to meet my jc class, and I do, then that's a big problem. You know what? I think your irrationality is an even bigger problem. What if it extends to all other aspects of my life? Am I being difficult if I choose not to respect your requests? Or are you being difficult?

Then there's the issue of substantial detriment. I hate arguing online. It's troublesome and inefficient. Like wth. So there's no substantial detriment even if I don't meet them. But so? I want to! I don't have to skip doing certain things just because you are being irrationally unreasonable.

Right now, if we were on the phone, I would bang it down and hang it up so that I wouldn't have to listen to anymore of this.

I started a prayer journal recently.. It's now where I pen my deepest darkest secrets. I used to think that I could do it here under the anonymity but a blog is a blog. (silly me).

the one over at hk asked me a qn just now which made me terrified. It kept me on my toes for the entire 15 min and now I wonder if i can fall asleep.

Today, I was reminded that I have so much to be thankful for. Please let me store that up properly and take it out again when I need it :)

I felt very much better after talking. And I know why I'm attracted. There is something so sensible, mature and desirable in you that I see. But for now, it doesn't matter anymore. Not in a very long time. And perhaps, it never will.

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plan
You gently call me into your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, mould me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

Isaan was a wonderful experience.

I was none too excited about coming home, back to the sometimes dreary place and the other guilty pleasures of life. I keep running, but I'm just running in circles.

So messed up!

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And Summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And oft' is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee

I love how my post-exam weekend worked out.

After the ortho paper, it was off to catch the movie with 4 not very good-looking but fun women who own the most gorgeous heels but not-that-fantastic wardrobe of clothes. It was fun watching them, and just soaking in the eye candy and mindless chatter. That was followed by salsa and weekend retreat. And finally the last last prep session before flying off on thurs. So many thoughts in my mind over the retreat..some meant to be shared, others better kept in the recesses of my heart.

It was lovely catching up with the flowers :) hopefully we can plan another outing b4 one flies off soon!